"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage
is also what it takes to sit down and listen." - - Winston Churchill
The stories in this anthology are of pain, tears, laughter, and triumph. They speak of growth, love, forgiveness, and hope between mothers and their daughters. The women who contributed to this book found their voice; emptied their souls onto the page. They found the courage to stand up and speak out.
Do you have the courage to sit down and listen to what they have to say? By doing so, you will find that you are not alone in your struggles. We are never alone! Come ~ ~ and be inspired.
Monique Rider, along with many other moms, has contributed a story to this anthology. Monique states, "May we grow from adversity and realize the blessings in our struggles. It has been a pleasure to work with Nina Shandler and to participate in the creation of Ophelia's Mom. This project was very enjoyable for me and I look forward to additional opportunities to speak about personal growth." Read editorial reviews
Publishers Weekly:
Family therapist Shandler (Estrogen: The Natural Way) follows up on daughter Sara Shandler's 1999 bestselling collection of teenage girls' writings about their lives, Ophelia Speaks, with a collection presenting their mothers' perspectives. Although Shandler's calls for submissions yielded far fewer responses than her daughter's, she culled over 110 essays, poems and conversational snippets (including overheard restaurant conversations) focused on what she regards as the biggest problem confronting mothers of adolescents: "the paradoxical challenge to love daughters and let go of them." The book, which includes a foreword by Sara, discusses raging hormones, school, sex, drugs, alcohol, sibling rivalry and divorce. The selections vary greatly in quality and tone but all are heartfelt. Among the strongest are Jean L. McGroarty's poignant recollection in "Driving Lesson" that her daughter, who is about to drive away, was once a little baby playing with her keys, and Felicia Blasi's humorous take "On Shopping" in which she observes that "there are no logical reasons to have children." In the poem "March 12, 1994," Karen Margulies Green chronicles her attempt to help her drug-addicted daughter, while in "Don't Worry, Mom, I'm Right Here," Grace Wozniak shares her struggle with breast cancer with her daughter at her side. In "In a Mother's Tears" R.M. searches for a silver lining when her 14-year-old daughter is diagnosed with bipolar disorder. While this is not a parenting how-to guide, the sheer volume of the entries offers reassurance that other mothers, too, face tough choices during their daughters' sullen years and that most teens and parents emerge from this difficult period wiser and stronger. (Sept.)Forecast: Buoyed by an NPR sponsorship, an eight-city author tour and the impressive track record of her daughter's book, Shandler's collection should capture some media attention, though as a parenting book it enters a more competitive niche than Sara's collection of teen testimonials. Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
Booklist:
Shandler, mother of the author of the best-selling Ophelia Speaks--Adolescent Girls Write about Their Search for Self (1999), provides an outlet for mothers to write about how the turbulence of their daughters' adolescence has impacted their own lives. Like Ophelia Speaks, this new book is a collection of essays, poems, stories, and other commentary provided by women across the country. Topics include rejection and bonding; feminism; school; drugs and alcohol; divorce; menstruation and menopause; sibling rivalry; and more. Although some of the passages are upsetting, the overall tone of the book is optimistic and will prove helpful to any mom (or parent) looking for expansive yet informal information about this particular stage of life. Additionally, the book may help parents remember their own teenage frustrations, which may help them better understand their own daughters. Ultimately, though, this book will help readers realize that the confusion and frustration they are experiencing are not unique--they're happening in most families with adolescents. Kathleen Hughes Copyright American Library Association. All rights reserved
Library Journal:
Shandler's daughter Sara wrote the first response to Mary Pipher's landmark Reviving Ophelia (LJ 4/1/94) and named it Ophelia Speaks (LJ 7/99). Sara, who was 17 at the time, voiced the concerns of her generation: depression, the pressures of friendship and school, and the temptations of alcohol, drugs, and food. Here, Sara's mom, a psychologist and family therapist, deals with mothering an adolescent daughter. She invited 23,000 mothers to share their stories with her and received only 350 responses. A taboo of silence, she concluded. Why? The relationship between mother and adolescent daughter is, she realized, an "enmeshed tangle of pride, guilt, and blame." Twenty chapters here examine the struggles faced by mothers of teenage girls: to love them and let them go. Shandler includes contributions from 110 mothers dealing with dating, popularity, sex, eating disorders, depression, and more. Although these mothers feel guilty "Where did I go wrong? Will she be OK?" the tone is upbeat and hopeful. There are few statistics or facts; instead, Shandler offers moms the chance to share the burdens and blessings they face. Sure to be requested, this is recommended for all public libraries. Linda Beck, Indian Valley P.L., Telford, PA. Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
Book Description:
Ophelia's Mom Speaks -- At Last
"Why do I hurt so much when she pulls away?" "What did I do wrong?" "Are we ever going to be friends again?" "Why is she friends with that sleaze and dating that fungus?" "I know I'm supposed to let her go, but I don't know how and I'm terrified." From the mother of the author of the bestselling Ophelia Speaks, this is the first book in which mothers of adolescent girls speak out about how the changes in their daughters' lives are prompting cataclysms in their own.
Reviving Ophelia and Ophelia Speaks explored the painful challenges faced by teen girls. But where's the support for the mothers of those teen girls? In Ophelia's Mom, Nina Shandler, Ed.D., gives the mothers the chance to speak out about feelings and uncertainties too often considered taboo.
Culled from written submissions and interviews with hundreds of women from all walks of life and from every part of the country, the concerns voiced in these pages reflect the universal experience of mothers facing one set of life changes while their daughters are facing another. With humor, pathos, insight, rage, sadness, joy, and ultimately, optimism, these mothers talk candidly about rejection and separation, feminism versus Girl Power, love and sex, friends, school, drugs and alcohol, divorce, menstruation and menopause, the mother-daughter bond, and much more.
As these mothers reveal how this life passage has reshaped them as well as their children, you'll realize that you're not crazy, and you're certainly not alone in your frustration, confusion, and exhilaration over raising an adolescent daughter.
About the Author:
Nina Shandler, Ed.D, is a licensed psychologist and family therapist who has counseled women, children, and families in private practice, clinics, and schools and presented workshops and lectures to parents, couples, and teachers. Her articles on psychology have appeared in The Family Therapy Networker, Teaching Tolerance, Communiqu?, and others. Dr. Shandler specializes in the concerns of women and is the author of Estrogen: The Natural Way. She has two daughters: Sara is currently attending Wesleyan University, and Manju is an artist, puppet maker, and costume designer. She lives with her husband, Michael, in western Massachusetts. Her website is Opheliasmom.com.
Monique Rider is available for book signings, interviews, appearances, or virtual speaking engagements. To book a date please contact BodyLife Dynamics at 480.699.0527 or Monique@bodylifedynamics.com.
